Longing
by Nienor-Niniel-24
Summary: One accident changed whole Bella's life. She don't see any happy things in her live. Will Jasper help her find it, will they overcome all their problems? AH, pairings BxJ,AxJ,EmxR, ExOC Raiting for future lemons.


So this is my first story, I hope you would like it, tell me about mistakes and I will correct them xD

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or those fabulous characters. If they were mine i wouldn't share them with you xD. **

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**Chapter I**

„**Decision"**

**B POV**

Outside was still pretty hot tough it was twilight now. But that's usual here in Phoenix. I was sitting on a kitchen counter, watching people walking on the pavement in front of our house. All of them looked happy, content with their lives in this city. I, however couldn't say that, in fact I hated it though it wasn't always liked that. I used to love it, because of it's climate, sun and people. But somewhere around one and a half of a year it has became annoying and one year ago – unbearable, and all of it because of one accident. Only one, but it changed all my life. Two people I loved was taken away from me, leaving me alone and broken. After that nothing was the same. It was worse. I have never felt so vulnerable, so destroyed and so lonesome in my entire life. I sighed when Renee pulled me out of my thoughts.

"What is it Bella? You have been so silent lately. I was trying to get your attention for two minutes now. You scared me." She said with a worried expression.

I didn't know how can I tell her about my decision. For sure she wasn't going to like it and most likely will try to convince me to stay here, in Phoenix. I started nervously fidgeting with my fingers. I was truly afraid of her reaction. Of course it's not like she could forbid me going there. I was 18 and her agreement didn't real matter but I wanted to leave on a good terms with her. I loved her and she helped me so much trough last year. I wasn't sure if I would be still here if she wouldn't take care of me. Usually I was acting like a parent and she was like a child. She changes her hobby every week and is really crazy, but in these hard time she was the best friend I could ask for. Never talking to much and always there if I needed someone to hug me while I cried.

I started fidgeting with my fingers nervously. I sighed and finally pick up courage to tell her.

"So mom…I wanted to talk with you about something." I felt sick just thinking what was about to come. "Dad called and.." I didn't get a chance to end that, because she cut me off:

"Are you sure you're okay? You look pale…well, paler than usual."

"I'm okay. Dad offered me to live with him in Forks" I whispered last part hoping that somehow shy wouldn't hear that. But she did, because next think I knew she was shouting in my face:

"What?! What was he thinking? You said no, didn't you? Of course you said no, why would you agree to that? It's idiotic and…"

"Mom!" I yelled trying to interrupt her, but failed completely.

"Why would he do that? I don't believe it.."

"MOM!" I shouted louder than her. "Calm down, please. Actually, I think It might be good idea. Change of scenery would let me start everything from the new point. It had been too long since I felt happy or safe here. Now, I don't really care about what is happening around me , I'm just living without desire to make my life better. It's about time to finally gather myself and do something with it, and living in Forks will be a great chance to do that. I'm sure Emmet would love to help me." I told her in a harsh tone.

I didn't mean to tell it like that, but I really wanted to go there. After saying that I realized how much I missed my brother, dad, and that I can't hide in my shell anymore. I can't last in that state, because I will waste my life. I promise that I would go, and try to find happiness.

"So your going" It wasn't question, I was statement.

"Yes, you know how I've been after the…the accident" I hesitated, I didn't like to talk about that, it was to painful. "You know that I need to do something with myself"

"Yes. yes I know. it's just hard to let you leave. But that's what is the best now."

Right after she said that alarm clock started ringing. Renee stand up from the chair she was sitting at and walked up to the cooker. She took off top of pot and looked at whatever she was cooking.

"Dinner is ready, sit down and I give it to you" That's whole Renee. In one second she is close to getting heart attack from shock and in next she is talking happily about dinner.

"I'm not hungry anymore, I just go to sleep, all that worrying makes me tired" I answered her.

"Bella, when will you go there?"

"I'm not sure. Two weeks or so, I suppose. Is that okay?" I knew it was pretty fast, but I hated Phoenix and needed to get out of here as fast as possible.

" Well, for me it's not okay, but I understand why you want to leave. And since you will be here only for two weeks I will plan something fun to do for us" She smiled, and hugged me tightly.

After that I went to my room. Take long, calming shower and changer in a pair of sweatpants and big, white t-shirt. I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Forks. It was wet place with to much green for my liking. But that was nothing in comparison to what it offered me. First time in my life I felt happy.

***

**Two weeks later**

Last two weeks were insane. Mom was dragging me from shop to shop in order to collect my wardrobe. She was spending every moment she could with me and it started to drive me crazy. I was tired of her always happy attitude. She wasn't letting me to stay at home at all, even if it was all I wanted. She insisted that we would visit every place in Phoenix where we could do something fun. So we went to the cinema, swimming poll, theater, mall and all of that left me incredibly tired.

I was sitting in a living room, watching TV and slowly falling asleep. It was my last day here. Tomorrow I'm going to be in Forks with my dad and brother. I was scared and excited at the same time. I was worried that I won't find any friend there, though, here in Phoenix it was almost like that. I didn't have anyone to talk about my problems beside my mom and Phil. And I longed to any form of contact with normal people in my age.

"Are you sure you have everything you will need?" Renee asked me for millionth time.

"Yes, I checked it last time you asked me that question. Don't worry. I'll be alright." I answered her in a monotonous voice.

"Oh well.. I guess it will be ok. I just don't want you to leave. I wish you could stay here." She sighed.

"Mom, we talked about that and you know I can't. Don't make it harder on me." I snapped at here. Now, she was really annoying. I know I shouldn't think like that, but I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry" She mumbled "I'm exaggerating"

"It's okay, sorry I snapped at you"

I looked at the clock. It was past nine and I have to get up earlier in order to be in airport at time. I sat straighter, and stretched my hands in front of me. I exhaled with a loud "huff" and stand up.

"I'm going to sleep, goodnight" I whispered to Renee, because I didn't want to wake up Phil who was sleeping on the couch.

"Goodnight honey" She stand up and kissed my forehead.

I smiled at her and walked upstairs, and headed in direction of my bedroom, but I changed my mind. I slowly walked to the door, which wasn't opened from a long time. I rose my hand and put it on a doorknob, contemplating whether enter _the_ room or gave up and walk away pretending that nothing happened. I felt wave of confidence and pushed the door. I took deep breath to calm myself stepped into the darkness. I didn't bother to switch lights, knowing that my eyes will settle down and I will be able to see inside or the room. I flinched when all those happy memories which was held here came crushing into me. It hurt horribly to know that those happy times are over. That him or my little one will no longer bring smile on my face. After the accident darkness and loneliness swallowed me whole, and they still don't want to let me go. An entire year I welcomed those feelings, but they started to overwhelm me, making me hollow and miserable. But something change, and now I want to fight that depression.

I sighed and went out of the room. It was still too much for me to bear. Tears gushed to my eyes, and threatened to fall but I wouldn't let them.

I went to the bathroom and quickly stripped, throwing my clothes to the washer. I came into the shower, setting right temperature. I let hot water relax my tired muscle, and ran down my back. It was very calming feeling. After half hour I stepped from the shower, toweled myself and threw some t-shirt and sweatpants at myself.

I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow

***

I was standing on the street, not knowing where I was. It was night and the road was leading trough the forest. I started to walk, not wanting to stay in that place longer. Suddenly, I heard something beside me and turn around just to see the car speeding in my direction. I froze in horror not able to move. I stand there expecting car to hit me but it never happened. Just before it had chance to do that someone stepped before me smiling. It was James. The car hit him.

***

I woke up with a scream. This nightmare haunted me almost every night. tears run down my face. I laid back staring at the ceiling and thinking about it. It was terrifying and brought way to much painful memories. Finally I fell asleep forgetting about it.

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**SoI hope you like it xD **


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